Now, I know I may sound sensitive, jealous or even selfish. I simply can't help feeling that way! Please bear with me. I need to let off steam!
I was rather upset and angry. I know that boys his age are playful and mishievous, and that's perfectly ok with me. But not when he choose to go away with other people (be it his grandma or my friends or even my tuition kids) when it is time for his milk or bedtime etc.
Just now, baby can't bear for his granny to leave and wanted to tag along. Of course, I know baby don't mean it. Babies are innocent and when they have fun, they just want to continue with it, even when they are very tired. Most importantly, I know that ultimately baby will come back to me, because I'm his mama. (Just like when he was enjoying himself with my parents, but will start looking for me after 2 or 3 hours.)
Perhaps I should not have agreed on testing baby (see who he wants to follow). I mean I am putting myself in an awkward position when I agreed on it --- if baby does not cry when the door is closed, it hurts me (cos it's like baby is not close to me); if baby did cry, then of course, I felt good, but the other party will be hurt.
Actually, I know that baby will not cry when I closed the door just now (because he wants to PLAY). However, I felt especially angry and upset when I heard "Ni can le..." (meaning: you die/gonecase [literally]) just because baby listened to you and said bye bye to me?
Is that really something worth to be proud of? Just because baby chose you over me at that moment? Baby did not even cry when I carried him back! I felt even worse when I heard,"Baby returned to you because he wants to watch TV." Please understand that it is defintely NOT because baby wants to watch TV that he came back to me. (The TV will be off when I breastfeed him.)
I scolded him in the room (I know I should not have done that). I scolded him for wanting to have fun when it's time for his milk and bedtime. And caused mama to be "mocked" at. He cried, hugged and kissed me (to appease his angry mama). I relented, fed him and he slept.
Perhaps you may think I am too harsh.
But this is because baby is my only pillar of support and priority now. If not for him, I really don't know what I will do. I'm staying on for his sake. I've never known such strong feelings until I becomes a mum.
I will NEVER allow anyone to take him away from me. Today will definitely be the last time that I agreed to testing baby (see who he wants to follow). NO MORE SILLY TESTS!
PS: Baby, mummy is sorry for scolding you. Please remember that I love you forever.
