We all want our child to shine. In this increasingly competitive world, is signing up for ballet, swimming or music lessons now the best way for her/him to excel later? Not necessarily. While classes can expose your child to new things and spice up your day, overscheduling can actually hurt your child. At this age, kids learn as much, if not more, by playing than in structured classes.
Question: Should I set up structured activities for my preschooler, or just let her play on her own? Expert Answers Judith Hudson, developmental psychologist
Both structured and free-form play contribute significantly — and in different ways — to your preschooler's development. Your child is learning a lot while she plays — problem solving, skill building, and how to overcome physical and mental challenges. Children enrolled in all-day preschool will have plenty of opportunities for both types of play at school. Kids attending a half-day program may need more time for free play at home because of the short school day.
Fantasy play should remain unstructured so your child can use her imagination and work on her problem-solving skills. She'll change from mom to teacher to doctor in minutes. Your job: Provide the props (dolls, stuffed animals, a chalk board, toy versions of tools, pots and pans, medical instruments). You can also be your child's playmate. Be sure to follow your preschooler's lead or expand her play — don't direct it. Ask open-ended questions such as, "I wonder where all these cars could go?" or "What do you think farmers do on the farm?" Commenting on the ongoing activity is also a great way to be involved. While watching your child put her teddy bear to bed, for instance, you could say, "Your teddy bear is all tucked in. He looks very sleepy." Avoid asking her too many direct questions during make-believe play, such as "What are you doing?" and "What is that?" because answering questions can take away from the fun.
Free playtime on the playground is also important for preschoolers to hone their motor skills. Hopscotch takes balance, climbing the jungle gym takes strength, and team sports involve coordination. Preschoolers may also enjoy structured group games such as Duck Duck Goose. And at around age 4 some kids begin to enjoy simple board games, though they often resist playing by the printed rules. Be flexible and let your preschooler bends the rule a bit.
My preschooler says his stomach hurts. How can I figure out what's causing it?
Pinpointing the cause of a child's stomachache can be tricky, even if your preschooler has the verbal skills to tell you where it hurts. The key isn't just focusing on where the pain is, but also looking at what other symptoms he's having (or not having).
If your child says he has a stomachache when it's time to head to preschool, some stress could be to blame. If he just had supper and dessert and he's complaining of a stomachache but has no other symptoms, it may be nothing more than having eaten too much.
But if he's feverish and vomiting or has diarrhea in addition to tummy pain, you can be sure something more serious is going on.
What causes tummy trouble in preschoolers?
The conditions below are the most common causes of stomach pain in preschoolers, although many others are possible. If your child suddenly becomes ill, has pain in his stomach that doesn't seem to go away or is getting worse, and you're at all concerned, call his doctor. It's always better to err on the side of caution.
1. Gastroenteritis or "stomach flu"
Is your child vomiting or suffering from diarrhea in addition to abdominal pain? If so, he could have gastroenteritis, also known as stomach flu. It's the most common illness in the United States after upper respiratory infections.
Doctors use the term gastroenteritis to describe any inflammation of the stomach and intestines caused by a viral or bacterial infection. Viruses are the most common culprit, including rotavirus, adenovirus, calicivirus, and astrovirus.
Gastroenteritis can also be caused by a potentially more serious bacterial infection, such as Salmonella, Shigella, Staphylococcus, Campylobacter, or E. coli. Still other cases are caused by parasites such as giardia. Your child's symptoms may be mild or severe, and they may last for just a few hours or for days, depending upon the cause.
Because a virus is usually to blame for gastroenteritis, you can't treat it with antibiotics. But that doesn't mean you should sit back and wait for the ailment to run its course. If gastroenteritis is causing your child to vomit or have diarrhea and a fever and loss of appetite, it can quickly lead to dehydration, so it's important to make sure that your preschooler is drinking plenty of fluids while he battles the illness.
Watch for signs of dehydration and give the doctor a call if you think your preschooler may be becoming dehydrated. If he shows serious signs of dehydration, take him to the emergency room.
As soon as you can, you'll want to reintroduce your preschooler's normal diet, avoiding only fatty foods.
2. Milk allergy or lactose intolerance
If your preschooler has a milk allergy, his immune system is responding to the proteins found in milk. Milk allergies occur most often in babies and children. Symptoms include vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, and rashes. In severe cases of milk allergy, a child may experience a life-threatening reaction called anaphylactic shock.
Lactose intolerance happens when a person's body isn't producing the enzyme needed to digest lactose, the primary sugar in milk. Symptoms include diarrhea, nausea, abdominal cramps, bloating, and gas. Lactose intolerance is uncommon in young children and usually shows up later in childhood or during the teen years.
To pinpoint the cause, a doctor will recommend that you keep all dairy (including milk, cheese, ice cream, pudding, etc.) away from your child for a few days and then slowly reintroduce it. If your preschooler's stomach troubles start up again, you've nailed the culprit.
For kids with a milk allergy, soy milk may be the answer, but it's not for everyone: Five to 10 percent of kids who are allergic to milk are also allergic to soy. In that case, you'll need to talk to your child's doctor or a nutritionist about how to make sure your preschooler gets enough calcium from other foods.
If your child is lactose intolerant, the solution is easier. He can probably continue to have dairy as long as he takes a synthetic form of lactase, which you can find in an over-the-counter supplement. You can also buy lactose-free milk products.
Learn more about how doctors diagnose and treat food allergies and sensitivities
3. Constipation and changes in diet
The most common stomach problem in young children — who are continuing to add more and more foods to their diet — is constipation. Constipation is defined as not having a bowel movement for two to three days and then passing small hard stools.
If this is the case for your child, sit tight. After a few weeks, his digestive system will adjust to the changes in his diet and he'll start having regular bowel movements again.
You can help jumpstart the process by making sure your preschooler is getting enough fluids throughout the day. And on the days when he seems particularly constipated, feed him foods that produce looser stools (like apricots, pears, prunes, and peas) and cut back on those that tend to cause firmer stools (like bananas, apples and applesauce, carrots, rice, and squash).
In addition, exercise can help get the bowels moving, so encourage your preschooler to be active.
4. Upper respiratory illness
Believe it or not, the common cold and the flu can give a child a tummy ache. That's because much of the mucus produced during an upper respiratory illness drips down the throat. When your child swallows it, it can irritate his stomach.
Some children vomit to clear the mucus out of their system. It's not pretty, but it usually does the trick and the pain goes away.
Sometimes a more serious respiratory illness can give a child a stomachache as well. If your child has a sore throat, fever, and headache along with his tummy problems, he may have strep throat. Call your doctor immediately if you suspect that your preschooler's stomachache may be related to a strep infection. This illness is caused by Streptococcus bacteria and needs antibiotic treatment.
5. Intestinal blockage
Don't take a wait-and-see approach if your preschooler is seemingly fine one minute and then writhing in pain the next, especially if these symptoms come in increasing intense and frequent waves and your child is vomiting.
These symptoms may signal intussusception, an intestinal blockage that most often happens to children 5 months to 2 years old. It's not very common, but it can be life threatening, so all your child's doctor immediately. If you can't reach her, take your child to the emergency room, as he may need surgery.
6. Appendicitis
The classic symptoms of appendicitis are abdominal pain (especially in the lower right quadrant of the abdomen), fever, and vomiting. If your preschooler has taken children's acetaminophen and it hasn't reduced his fever, his pain is worsening, and he can't keep anything down, including water, he may have appendicitis. Take him to his doctor or the emergency room.
7. Gas
You know as an adult how much having gas can hurt. It's painful for children as well. And it's a likely culprit behind persistent tummy pain that your doctor can't find a reason for.
You might try to note what your child has recently eaten when he has a bout of gas. One possibility is too much juice. Many juices — including apple juice and cherry juice — contain sorbitol, a nondigestible form of sugar.
The AAP recommends that preschoolers drink no more than 4 to 6 ounces (about 1/2 to 3/4 cup) of juice a day. Besides causing stomach upset, more than that can ruin his appetite for other nutrient-rich foods and cause tooth decay.
Has a specific talent, such as artistic ability or an unusual facility for numbers. For example, children who draw unusually realistic pictures or who can manipulate numbers in their heads may be gifted.
Reaches developmental milestones well ahead of peers.
Has advanced language development, such as extensive vocabulary or the ability to speak in sentences much earlier than other children his age.
Is relentlessly curious and never seems to stop asking questions.
Is usually active, though not hyperactive. While hyperactive children often have a short attention spam, gifted children can concentrate on one task for long periods of time and are passionate abput their interests.
Has a vivid imagination. Gifted children often create a vast and intricate network of imaginary friends with whom they become very involved.
Is able to memorise facts easily and can recall arcane informations that he learns from television shows, movies or books.
Other signs of giftedness may be harder to discern. By age 3 or 4, for example, some gifted children begin to realise they are "different" from their peers. This can make them feel isolated and withdrawn; it may also makes them likely targets for bullying.
They may begin to experience intense frustration because they can think more rapidly than they can express themselves, verbally or physically. If your child appears unusually angry or frustrated, you may want to consult a mental health professional.
Testing your Preschooler for giftedness
Though you may want to know if your preschooler is gifted, most young children don't need to be tested for giftedness before entering elementary school. However consultation with a mental health professional may be appropriate if your preschooler appears to be unusually bored in school or shows any signs of emotional and social problems.
Children as young as 3 years old can be given IQ and ability tests, but experts believe that results obtained before the age of 5 are unstable - that is, id a child is retested, his scores can fluctuate significantly until this age. Years ago, children whos IQ scores were over 130 were considered gifted (the range for average intelligence is 85 to 115); today, however, IQ is one factor among many that need to be evaluated befoe a child is identified as gifted. Often parents and teachers will be asked to write their impression of a child, and these subjective measures are considered along with test data.
When giftedness is hard to diagnose
You may be surprised that a child can be both gifted and learning disabled. In most cases, the disabilty is recognised and the giftedness goes undetected. It is important that parents and teachers observe the child and looks for talents that conventional tests cannot detect.
Darling Keane is already toilet trained in the day.
However he still wears diapers to bed at nights. He tends to tell me that he becomes a baby again at nights!
Night is also bonding time for us. He will cuddle into my arms like a baby and together, we will sing songs, read stories, or talk about what happened in the day. Our topics will also include his school, friends, teachers and his feelings. Sometimes I will deliberately asked him if he wants to go to bed without his diapers and he will replied no... I didn't want to force it on him but to get him emotionally prepared, I make it clear that he will have to go to sleep without diapers very soon.
When he turned 2 years old, I bought a waterproof flat sheet for that purpose. It will prevent the urine from seeping into the mattress. But I didn't use it as I wanted to make sure he is completely toilet trained in the day, even if we go out. I want him to be ready, both physically and emotionally. I also noticed that most of the time, his diaper is dry or hardly wet when I removed it in the morning. But there are also times whereby his diaper is full and heavy, just like this morning!
During darling Keane's 3 years old checkup last year December, the doctor advises less fluids intake at night, visiting the toilet before sleeping etc. She also said that cold weather (rainy days or aircon) will also trigger urination.
Anyway, now that I'm sure he is trained in the day, it's time I sacrifice some of my sleeping time to wake him up to go potty. :)
Handling Bed-wetting: 3 years old timeline
Even if your child is already toilet-trained, accidents can still be expected, especially at nights, and for months or years to come. Stayinf dry at night is the last step a child master, and it tends to be harder for boys than for girls. But rest assured that most children will naturally grow out of bed-wetting. It is not considered a problem till age 5 or 6.
Causes of bed-wetting is relatively unknown. Sometimes physical traits can be a factor (a small bladder, an immature nervous system or a very deep sleep pattern). Emotional changes can also trigger bed-wetting. If after many months of dry nights, your child starts to wet the bed, it could be that he/she is facing new stresses or fears.
Dont' make an issue out of the wet sheets. Your matter-of-fact attitude will help lessen your child's embarassment. If he/she is anxious, reassure him/her that it is a normal part of the learning. Since bed-wetting can run in families, it may help your child to ehar stories about how you or dad took awhile to stay dry at night, when you were kids, too.
Eliminating fluids, including frozen or gelatin treats, after dinner can help. So can making a visit to the potty part of the bedtime routine. Some parents of frequent bed-wetters find it helpful to wake their child in the middle of the night, (or just before the adults go to sleep, it's a few hours after their preschooler went to potty) for a trip to the potty. If your child is a deep sleeper, a brighter night-light may keep him/her from sleeping soundly, making him/her more aware of bladder signals.
Is colic getting both you and baby in a frazzle? Here’re some helpful answers.
Does your newborn fuss and fidget all the time? Does she wail the neighbourhood down for hours in a row? Your sympathetic friends will blame colic. They could be right. Or they could be wrong. Here’s how to tell and what to do about it.
What is colic?
Colic is a condition that involves repeated or prolonged crying in an infant, usually for no apparent reason. The American Academy of Family Physicians estimates that at least one in five infants gets colic.
What causes it?
No one knows for sure. Experts are quite certain colic isn’t caused by gas alone although many babies are gassy when they are crying. In fact, two scientists from the University of New Hampshire and McGill University have shown that colicky infants may not even be in pain.
Researchers think colic probably happens when several factors come together. These factors include the infant’s oversensitivity to stimuli such as bright lights and loud noises, a nervous system that is just beginning to kick in and of course, newly developing digestive processes. Your little one may also have a testy personality…although many colicky babies grow up to be perfect angels!
Do note! Studies strongly suggest that second-hand smoke increases colic risk.
How do I know it is really colic?Colic usually peaks when an infant is about four to six weeks old. Babies naturally cry a lot at this time, so it can be difficult to differentiate colic from normal crying. But if you watch baby closely, the frequency, intensity and duration of her crying can give you a few hints.
Colic tends to follow a “three’s” pattern:
Crying for three or more hours a day,
at least three times a week,
for at least three consecutive weeks,
in the first three months of life.
A colicky baby will wail lustily even when her diaper isn’t wet! She may cry more in the afternoons or evenings although the actual timing can vary from infant to infant. Normal crying usually stops when baby is held, fed or given attention. In contrast, a colicky baby may not stop crying until she’s exhausted.
A few other signs of colicky crying are:
An arched back
Legs pulled into stomach
Clenched hands
Cold feet
Bulging or tight belly
Colicky infants are otherwise healthy, drink hungrily, pass motion regularly, sleep normally and go through normal weight gain.
I breastfeed. Is baby getting colic because of what I eat?
It’s possible. Culprits can be anything from dairy products like milk and cheese to spicy food, wheat products, garlic, coffee, alcoholic drinks and even fresh fruits. You can track baby’s sensitivity by eliminating one by one the foods you think are causing her to fuss. When she seems to be feeling better, reintroduce one or two of the foods to your diet after a few days. If she starts fussing again, you’ll know what is causing it.
If you’re going to cut down on dairy products for a while, do make sure that you supplement your diet with other calcium-rich foods.
For formula-fed babies, switching to soy-based/ lactose-free or hypo-allergenic formula may help.
The ‘5S’s to a happy baby
In his well-received book The Happiest Baby on the Block, paediatrician Dr Harvey Karp outlines the 5S’s to calming a colicky baby:
Swaddle. Wrap baby up snugly in a big towel or blanket, being sure to cross her arms over her chest. This helps her to feel safe.
Side/Stomach. Lying on her back may make her feel worse so turn her onto her side or stomach in a “football hold” position.
Shhh. Shushing is said to remind baby of her comfy days in the womb. Shush her close to her ear and about as loudly as her cries.
Swinging. Support your swaddled baby’s head securely. Then, swing her gently but rapidly in a rhythmic motion.
Sucking. Sucking is baby’s natural, calming-down reflex. When she’s less fidgety, offer her a breast or bottle if she’s hungry or a clean pacifier or finger if she isn’t.
What else can I do?
Establish a routine. When a baby knows what to expect, she’ll probably be less irritable.
Feed her in a quiet room where the lights are turned down low. Avoid talking to her more than necessary.
For some babies, walking or bouncing stimulates them more. Instead, hold baby close to your body and rock her slowly. Sitting with her on a rocking chair may help too.
Play soothing music, use a music box or gurgling toy aquarium or try singing to her softly. It’s odd but some parents swear by the sound of a hair dryer or vacuum cleaner for quick results!
At bedtime, lay her tummy-down over your lap and gently rub her back to relieve pressure in the stomach.
Short car rides work wonders for some babies. Always strap her securely in her own infant carrier seat.
Run a hot shower. Hold baby securely against you and pace back and forth out of reach of the water but close enough to let the warm steam and rhythmic sound soothe her.
Your own reaction can also help her calm down. If you can, increase your tolerance to her crying. Or purchase ear plugs (honestly!). Every once in a while—even if she’s screaming her lungs out—lay baby down in her crib and take a short break. She may not look fine but she will be.
Do remember that what works for one baby may not for another. Even if these methods are effective, they may not be so for the full duration of your baby’s colic. Ideally, you should experiment with different methods to determine what works best for your baby.
Three important don’ts
Don’t put baby down after a feed without first burping her.
Don’t over-feed baby to make her sleep. This could be the start of many a bad eating habit in later life.
Don’t rely on paediatric over-the-counter medications. “There’s really no evidence that colic needs to be treated anyway,” says Michelle Garrison, a paediatric researcher at the University of Washington School of Medicine. So always ask your doctor before giving baby medicines or unproven anti-colic remedies.
Will a colicky baby have fever or vomiting?
A colicky baby may spit up from time to time but will not be feverish or actually vomit. Fever, vomiting and/ or excessive crying (for five hours or more) could indicate a ear infection or some other medical problem and should be checked immediately by a doctor.
Take a deep breath.
It is very important not to blame yourself for your baby’s colic. Her crying has nothing to do with your parenting abilities. Colic is merely a frustrating but temporary and common situation that will gradually disappear when your child reaches three or four months of age.
All you can do is your best. Be sure to consult your doctor regularly if you are particularly worried. Then, just hang in there!
We've all seen them: the out-of-control toddler hurling handfuls of sand at the park; the whiny-voiced 3-year-old begging for candy in the grocery line; the sassy 7-year-old yelling "you can't make me!" at the restaurant. And we've privately dissed their parents, reassuring ourselves that we'd never be such a wimp if our child was terrorizing the playground or disrupting everyone's dinner. But then it happens: the massive meltdown that takes you completely by surprise. And suddenly you are that parent — the one flailing to figure out what to do. The truth is, every child presents discipline challenges at every age, and it's up to us to figure out how to handle them.
Why is discipline such a big dilemma? Because it feels like a tightrope act. On one side there's the peril of permissiveness — no one wants to raise a brat. On the other side there's the fear of over-control — who wants to be the hardliner raising cowed, sullen kids? What we need is a comfortable middle ground to ensure that our little ones grow up to be respectful, caring, and well behaved.
First, the ground rules
To set the stage for discipline success, here are the bottom-line rules many experts agree on:
1. We're all in this together.
Right from the start, teach your kids that your family is a mutual support system, meaning that everyone pitches in. Even a baby can learn to "help" you lift her by reaching out her arms, says Madelyn Swift, founder and director of Childright and author of Discipline for Life, Getting It Right With Children.
2. Respect is mutual.
One of the most common complaints parents and kids have about each other is "You're not listening." Set a good example early on: When your child tries to tell you something, stop what you're doing, focus your attention, and listen. Later you can require the same courtesy from her.
3. Consistency is king.
One good way to raise a child with emotional strength? Be consistent and unwavering about rules and chores, says Harvard professor Dan Kindlon, author of Too Much of a Good Thing. Even if you pick just one chore to insist on, your child will be better off, Kindlon says. "Being firm and consistent teaches your child that you care enough about him to expect responsible behavior."
4. Life's not always fair.
We're so afraid of disappointing or upsetting our kids — too afraid, say some discipline pros. "If a child never experiences the pain of frustration — of having to share a toy or wait their turn in line — or if they're never sad or disappointed, they won't develop psychological skills that are crucial for their future happiness," says Kindlon. So if your child's upset because a younger sibling got a different punishment, for example, it's okay to say "I understand that this seems unfair to you, and I'm sorry you're upset, but life isn't always fair."
The tools: Babies, toddlers, and up
Disclaimer: These tools aren't guaranteed to work every time, and none of them will be right for every parent and child. But they will give you options — and what parent doesn't need more to choose from in his or her personal bag of tricks?
Tool: Lavish love
Age: Birth to 12 months (and beyond!)
How it works: It's easy to wonder whether you're giving in when you pick your baby up for the umpteenth time. Is it time to start setting limits? Not yet, say the pros. Responding to your baby's needs won't make heroverly demanding or "spoiled." "It's impossible to spoil or overindulge a baby," says Kathryn Kvols, an expert who teaches parenting workshops on discipline and development.
In fact, the opposite is true: By giving your child as much love and attention as possible now, you're helping her become a well-adjusted and well-behaved person. "Your baby is developing trust in her parents, and she does that by knowing that you'll be there to meet her needs," Kvols says.
That trust means that in the long run your child will feel more secure and less anxious, knowing that you take her wants and needs seriously. She'll have confidence in you later, when it's time to set boundaries and lay down rules, and understand that you love her even when you correct her.
Real-life application: Your 4-month-old is crying even though you nursed her a half-hour ago. Your mother-in-law says to let her cry it out. Wrong, say experts: By crying she's telling youshe needs something, even if you don't know what it is. Try walking with her, nursing her again, or singing to her. She needs to know you'll be there for her, even if all that's wrong is that she wants to be held.
Tool: Remove and substitute
Age: 6 to 18 months
How it works: Like the rest of us, young children learn by doing — so when your baby throws his bowl of peas off the highchair tray, it's because he's curious to see what will happen, not because he wants to upset you or mess up your clean kitchen floor.
That said, you don't have to stand by while your child does something you don't like. And you definitely don't want to stand by if your little one's grabbing for something dangerous. Take the object away or physically move your baby away from it. Then give him a safe, less-messy or less-destructive alternative. "Substituting something else will prevent a meltdown," Kvols says.
Make sure you explain what you're doing to your child, even if he's too young to really understand. You're teaching a fundamental discipline lesson — that some behaviors aren't acceptable, and that you'll be redirecting him when necessary.
Real-life application: Your 8-month-old keeps grabbing your favorite necklace and chewing on the beads. Instead of letting him, or continuing to pull it out of his hands, unclasp the necklace and put it aside, explaining simply that your jewelry is not for chewing. Then hand your baby a teething ring or another chewable toy and say, "This is fine to chew on."
Tool: Right wrongs together
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: Going back to the peas example above — there's a difference between a baby who playfully throws her bowl to the floor and a young toddler who knows she's creating a mess for Mommy or Daddy to clean up.
That turning point happens when your child becomes capable of knowing when she's doing something she's not supposed to, often around her first birthday. "When she looks at you with that glint in her eye and then drops the peas, you know it's time to do something." says expert Madelyn Swift. What you do, says Swift, is start teaching the concept of taking responsibility for her actions.
Real-life application: Your toddler's made a mess under her highchair. Lift her up, set her on the floor, and ask her to hand you some peas so she's "helping" you take care of it. Talk to her about what you're doing: "Okay, we made a mess with the peas so we have to clean it up." Then put her back in her chair and give her something else to eat, or end the meal.
Tool: Emphasize the positive
Age: 12 months and up
How it works: This one's easy: Tell your child when you like how he's behaving, rather than speaking up only when he's doing something wrong. "It takes a bit of practice to get in the habit of rewarding good behavior rather than punishing bad, but it's more effective in the end," says Ruth Peters, a clinical psychologist in Clearwater, Florida, and author of Don't Be Afraid to Discipline and other books.
Real-life application: It's nap time, a potential battle zone with your sometimes resistant toddler. Head it off by praising even small steps: "It's so great that you stopped playing with your blocks when I asked you to. That means we have extra time and can read a story. If you lie down right away, we'll have even more time and can read two stories." Keep praising each improvement he makes in his nap time routine, and make it worth his while with rewards such as stories or songs.
Tool: Ask for your child's help
Age: 12 months to 8 years
How it works: Researchers know something parents may not: Kids come into the world programmed to be helpful and cooperative. All we have to do as parents is take advantage of this natural tendency. "Kids are innately wired to want to cooperate," says Kathryn Kvols. "A lot of times we parents just don't notice this because we don't expect children to be helpful."
A 2006 study backs up this idea: Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that toddlers as young as 18 months already have full-fledged qualities of altruism and cooperation. The way they demonstrated this was simple. A researcher would "struggle" to hang up a towel with a clothespin or stack up a pile of books. When he dropped the clothespin or tipped the books over, the toddlers would race to pick up the clothespin and hand it back, or restack the books. But when the researcher made the same mistakes without struggling — that is, without looking like he needed help — the toddlers didn't budge. They understood what it meant to be helpful.
Get your child involved in daily tasks around the house so she learns that everybody works together. "I recommend that parents find things their children can do, whether it's washing vegetables, feeding the dog, or sorting laundry," Kvols says. "You're teaching your child to be helpful, which is one of the most important life skills. We've found time and again that the people who are most mentally healthy are those who've learned to be of service to others.
"While this may not sound like a discipline strategy, just wait: If you've taught your child to be cooperative, you can call on this quality when you need it. For example, giving your toddler a "job" to do can defuse some of the most common tantrum-provoking situations. Kathryn Kvols put this to use when her son, Tyler, refused to get into his car seat. She made him "boss of the seatbelts" — he had to make sure everyone in the car was buckled in before the driver could start the car. The battle over the car seat was over.
Real-life application: Let's take the grocery store aisle, site of infamous meltdowns. When your child wriggles to get out of the cart, you can hold up a box of raisins and say: "I need to get food for us to eat, and I need you to help me." Then hand him the box and let him drop it behind him into the cart. You can also ask him to be your "lookout" and help you spot certain favorite foods on the shelf.
Tool: Manage anger
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: Toddlers are tantrum-prone because they're not yet able to control their emotions, experts say. "Tantrums aren't really a discipline issue, they're about anger management," says Madelyn Swift. "Tantrums happen when kids don't get their way and they're mad.
"Step one in this situation is to let your child calm down in whatever way works best for her. If she'll let you hold her, hug and rock her until she's quiet. If touching her only sets her off again, give her space to calm down by herself.
Don't try to talk to her about what happened until she's over the emotional storm, Swift says. But once it's over, don't let relief prevent you from addressing what happened. Instead, replay the tape and return to the scene of the crime. It's time to fix whatever mistakes were made.
Real-life application: Your toddler didn't want to get dressed and threw a fit, hurling toy cars around the room. Once she's stable, take her back to the toy cars and calmly but firmly tell her it's time to pick them up. If the task seems too daunting, split it up. Point to one pile of cars and say, "You pick up these cars and I'll pick up the ones over there." Stay there until your toddler has finished her portion of the job.If she refuses and has another tantrum, the cycle repeats itself. But wait longer for her to settle down this time, and make sure she knows you mean business. Then back to the cars you go.
Tool: Talk toddler-ese
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: The secret to getting your toddler to do what's right — or to stop doing what he shouldn't — can be as simple as communicating in a way he can truly understand. Pediatrician Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, tells parents to view their toddler as a "little Neanderthal" and talk to him as such. In other words, get down to his "primitive" level and keep it really, really simple.
Karp calls his communication strategy The Fast Food Rule because you're basically operating like a drive-through cashier: You repeat back the order, then name the price. Use short phrases with lots of repetition, gestures, and emotion to show your child that you get what's going on in his head.
Real-life application: Your toddler yanks a truck out of his friend's hands. Instead of plopping him down in a time-out or trying to explain why what he did was wrong — both strategies that assume your child's more sophisticated than he is — take a few minutes to echo what he seems to be thinking and feeling back to him: "You want the truck."
Validating your child's feelings will help him settle down, and once he's calm enough to listen, you can deliver your discipline message. But again, give him the stripped-down version: "No grab, no grab, it's Max's turn." Note: This may feel silly at first, but it will work.
Tool: Listen to "no"
Age: 12 to 36 months
How it works: "No" is one of the first words many kids learn to say, and it almost immediately becomes the one they say most often. As parents know, the constant negativity and refusals can get a little tiresome. Strange as it may sound, one way to prevent "the endless no's" is to try and take "no" seriously when your child says it. After all, we all have a tendency to repeat ourselves when we don't think people are listening, right?
Real-life application: Your toddler's running around in a dirty diaper, but she refuses to stop and let you change it. "Start by asking if she wants her diaper changed, and if she says no, say okay and let it go for a while," says Kvols. Wait 15 minutes and ask again, and if you get another no, wait again.
Usually by the third time you ask, discomfort will have set in and you'll get a yes. And knowing that saying no carries some weight will stop your child from saying it automatically. "The more you respect their no, the less often they use it," Kvols says.
The tools: Preschoolers and up
Tool: Use time-outs and time-ins
Age: 2 to 4 yearsHow it works: The time-out is one of the best-known discipline tactics, but it's also somewhat controversial. Some experts think time-outs don't work well, are overused, and feel too punitive — especially for young preschoolers. "When we say 'Go to your room,' we're teaching them we're in control, when we really want them to learn to control themselves," says expert Kathryn Kvols.
In fact, for some kids time-outs can be so upsetting that they trigger tantrums, something you want to prevent. To avoid this, treat time-outs as a brief cooling-off period for both of you. (One minute or less is probably long enough for a 2-year-old. Don't start using the one-minute-per-year guideline until your child's at least 3.)
Let your little one know that you need the time as much as he does by saying, "We're both really mad right now and we need to calm down." Designate an area of your house as a self-calming place for your child (preferably this won't be in your child's room, which should have only positive associations), and direct him to go there for a few minutes while you go to your own corner.
Another possibility: Take time-outs together by sitting down side by side. You can also balance the impact of time-outs by instituting "time-ins" — moments of big hugs, cuddles, and praise to celebrate occasions when your child behaves well.
Real-life application: You said no dessert tonight, triggering a tantrum, and now your child's screams for a cookie are only slightly louder than yours. Explain that it's not okay for either of you to scream at the other, so you both need to calm down. Lead her to her self-calming space (Kvols says the only thing that worked for her daughter was to go outside into the garden), and then sit down nearby yourself.
When a few minutes have passed and the anger has subsided, explain that it's not okay to throw a fit to get what she wants and that you're sorry she's disappointed. (Hint: On a future night when a treat is okay, give her one and praise the fact that she's stopped fussing to get dessert.)
Tool: Try reverse rewards
Age: 3 to 8 years
How it works: Take a page from teachers everywhere — kids respond much better to positive reinforcement than to reproach and punishment. And they also like structure and clear expectations. Ruth Peters, the clinical psychologist in Clearwater, Florida, advises parents to take advantage of these qualities by setting up a system of rewards. You can make this system even more effective by reversing the usual rules — instead of giving rewards for good behavior, take them away for bad behavior.
Real-life application: Put a few things your child loves — these could be a Hershey's kiss, a new colored pencil, and a card good for an extra bedtime story — in a jar or box as the day's rewards. Then draw three smiley faces on a piece of paper and tape it to the jar. If your child breaks a rule or otherwise misbehaves, you cross out a smiley face and one treat disappears from the jar. An hour or so before bedtime, you give your child everything that remains.
The tools: Grade-schoolers
Tool: Teach consequences
Age: 5 to 8 years
How it works: We want our children to make the right choices — finish their homework before they turn on the TV, for example, or not play ball in the house. But when they don't, what do we do?
To handle problem behaviors, involve your child in finding a solution, says Harvard professor Dan Kindlon. For example, if he doesn't finish the night's homework, he may decide to wake up earlier the next morning to do it. Because this isn't a great long-term solution, make a plan for the future together: Does he want to do his homework before going out to play, or does he want to set aside time in the evening?
If he's been part of the planning process, it'll be a lot harder for your child to pretend he just "forgot." But be consistent in enforcing limits — if the plan is to finish homework after dinner, it must be finished before the TV goes on.
Real-life application: Your 7-year-old breaks a lamp throwing a ball in the house. Instead of scolding him by saying that he wasn't supposed to be doing this in the first place, tell him it's up to him to fix his mistake. Have him glue the lamp back together if he can — if not, he can do extra chores to earn enough for a new lamp.
Tool: Allow redo's
Age: 5 to 8 years
How it works: How many times have you wanted to take back something you said the moment you said it? Well, when your child sasses or snaps at you, and you snap right back, chances are everyone feels that way.
One way to maintain peace in the family is to allow "redo's" — a chance for your child (or you!) to say what she wants again in a more respectful way. "When you tell your child 'redo,' you're saying, 'I want to hear what you've said, it's important to me, but I want to be respected. So say it in a more respectful tone and I'm happy to listen,'" says Kathryn Kvols.
She and her daughter, Briana, even have a secret signal they use to tell each other to redo without having to say anything out loud. Asking for redo's when your child talks back keeps the situation from escalating. It also teaches her that speaking to people calmly is a better way to get the response she wants.
Real-life application: Your child screams "I hate you!" Stung and hurt, you immediately yell back, "Go to your room!" and the evening's lost. Instead, take a deep breath and ask your child if she wants a "redo" (or use your signal if you're in public). This gives your child a chance to articulate her feelings in a calm way rather than just exploding.
"You want your child to know that you're not trying to shut her up, and that you're capable of hearing the good and the bad," says Kvols. "Then you can address the issue that's actually at stake" — the underlying problem that prompted a regrettable comment in the first place.
Think of it this way: If you leave no room for reinterpretation, you save yourself arguing later. Listen to the difference between "Oh okay, you can have a cookie..." (plenty of room for hope that a second one might be okay) and "You can have one cookie, but don't ask me for a second one. This is it."
2. Stick to those limits no matter what
One really means one. It's happened to all of us: We say no to more than one cookie, and then we start second-guessing ourselves. The trick here is to take a long-term view. Maybe a second cookie really would be okay just this once, but do you really want to be second-guessed every time you set a limit? That will happen if you change your story.
3. Never give in to begging
This one's simple — once you do, you've taught your child that begging works, right?
4. Make your child convince you
If she wants something you're not sure about, ask her to make a case for it. She wants to watch a favorite TV show? If she explains that all her homework is done and she's practiced piano, you can feel comfortable saying yes.
5. Require that chores get done before fun
You don't do your child any favors by being a softy. Studies show that being strict on chores and responsibilities helps him develop the ability to cope with frustration.
6. Don't be afraid to disappoint
We hate to see our kids sad, but the Stones said it best: You can't always get what you want. And studies show that learning to accept disappointment will give your child important coping skills to deal with emotional stress later in life.
7. Let them work for what they want
Many experts believe that kids become spoiled when things come too easily, encouraging them to take those things for granted. If your child wants a new bike, set up a reward system for good behavior and let him earn it bit by bit.
Question: If I lavish love and attention on my baby, will I spoil him?
Answer: No. Young babies are completely spoil-proof. Your baby needs all the care and attention you can give. Ignore the advice of well-meaning relatives who think babies need to learn independence. Instead, listen to your parental instinct — that inner voice that tells you to comfort your baby when he cries.
"Spoiled children" have learned to use negative behavior to get what they want. But your baby is too young to purposefully manipulate or annoy you. He cries to communicate his needs, whether they're for a snack, a dry diaper, or a little cuddling with Mom or Dad. When you respond quickly to your baby, you're building his sense of self-worth. You're also establishing a foundation of trust that can last for years to come.
If you give your baby prompt attention, he'll feel more secure and less anxious, giving him the courage to explore the world on his own. And once he understands that you take his cries seriously, he'll be less likely to cry for no reason. In the long run, responding quickly to your baby's needs will make him less clingy and demanding, not more.
By the time your baby is 6 to 8 months old, he'll be paying close attention to cause and effect — noticing, for instance, that his bowl falls when he drops it from the highchair. He'll also start to see a direct link between his actions and your responses. At this point it's okay to set some limits. If your baby starts crying to get something he doesn't need, hold your ground and give him a hug when he calms down. Similarly, give hugs and praise for good behavior and gently redirect him when he's doing something hazardous.
The right blend of love and guidance will eventually help your child understand his place in the world. But for now, your focus should be on giving him as much attention and comfort as you can. No matter how much you give, it's not more than he needs.
I want the best for my baby; breastfeeding is my choice.
Breast, Bottle Or Both?
Making a choice between breast and bottle is one of your most important decisions as a parent. There is no right or wrong choice but due to health reasons, both yours and baby’s, every health authority of significance recommends that you breastfeed your child at least for the first six months. Breast milk is hailed as ideal nutrition for a newborn, supplying him with nutrients essential for both mental and physical growth. However, breastfeeding isn’t always possible or preferable.
When mother and/or child reject breastfeeding, infant formula works fine and your baby’s nutritional needs will still be met. There is also no conclusive proof that breastfed kids bond better with their mothers than their bottle-fed counterparts. Some mothers may find that switching between breast and bottle is most ideal for their lifestyle and comfort level. Your choice is personal and should be respected by all fronts. However, if you are still undecided, an understanding of advantages and challenges to breast and bottle-feeding may help you make an informed decision.
Advantages of breastfeeding
Breast milk fights infections During breastfeeding, a mother passes on infection-fighting antibodies to her child. Research shows that infants who have been breastfed exclusively for four months or more have 40% less risk of ear infections. Experts believe that breastfeeding also protects baby from meningitis, the flu, allergies, asthma and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), while reducing the growth of micro-organisms like bacteria and viruses. Studies show that breastfeeding helps strengthen premature babies. On the whole, breastfed infants seem to require fewer hospitalisations than bottle-fed infants.
Adaptive Breast milk has the ability to change according to the needs of a baby.
Low cost Breast milk is free and because of its accompanying health benefits, you may also save on medical costs. Although you need nursing bras or breast pads, your expenditure is still lower compared to the amount you will spend on the various items needed to sterilise and accessorise feeding bottles.
Prevents adult obesity According to the US National Women's Health Information Center, breastfed babies have less risk of putting on weight unnecessarily. This helps them avoid weight problems later in life. Brain foodStudies have found that breastfed babies make smarter students and adults, possibly due to fatty acids present in breast milk. It was also found that the longer these students were breastfed as infants, the higher their score in intellectual evaluations. Experts believe that children breastfed exclusively for at least six months have IQs about five to 10 points higher than formula-fed children.
Perfect food Human milk is called the perfect food because it is easily digested by baby’s immature digestive system. Researchers have found that breastfed babies have fewer incidences of diarrhoea or constipation. Breast milk is also rich in a large variety of nutrients that formula milk companies desperately try to duplicate. Although infant formula is now enriched with some of these nutrients, breast milk contains other nutrients that currently still cannot be replicated.
Flavourful Breast milk has a slightly different flavour each time a mother breastfeeds because its taste depends on what the mother has eaten. So when a nursing mother eats a wide variety of well-balanced foods, her baby is not only reaping nutrients from these foods, but also tasting them!
Convenient Breast milk is fresh and always available; you don’t need to make any last-minute late-night drives to a store or rush to get feeding bottles ready. It is produced in the right temperature and consistency for baby and requires little or no clean-up. Breastfeeding also makes travelling much easier - no formula tins or bottles to pack!
Skin contact Breastfeeding allows a skin-to-skin bonding experience that mothers greatly enjoy. This contact also establishes close emotional bonding between mother and child.
Maternal benefits Moms, especially new moms, who breastfeed may feel more emotionally confident of caring for a fragile baby. Breastfeeding may also help burn calories and shrink the uterus, allowing mothers to return to their pre-pregnancy shape quicker. Research suggests that breastfeeding may also reduce risk of pre-menopausal breast cancer, uterine cancer and ovarian cancer.
Challenges of breastfeeding
Discomfort Breastfeeding isn’t always easy from the word go. Sometimes, mother and child may need plenty of “practise” and patience to get used to a breastfeeding routine. Most of the time, it is just a problem of acquiring the proper technique. Latching-on may also cause pain for some mothers, but this will usually dissipate within a week. If breastfeeding causes you constant pain or if your nipples are sore, get the advice of a doctor as soon as you can. You can also buy baby-safe nipple creams from pharmacies.
Feeding frequency Breastfeeding, like every other aspect of parenting, requires a heavy time commitment. Nursing a constantly hungry young infant or constantly pumping breast milk can leave you with little time for other pursuits like work, housework, leisure and yes, even sleep. Breast milk also digests quickly and it can be tiring to have to feed baby every hour or two hours. If you need a break, you may need to obtain the help of family members to feed baby pumped milk while you sleep or work. Console yourself that this will get easier when baby begins to sleep through the night.
Dietary and lifestyle considerations Breastfeeding women may have to exercise greater dietary caution as everything they eat is also “shared” by baby. For example, if you love coffee, take no more than three cups a day or you may find baby getting easily irritated by the stimulant. Baby may also get more gas if you eat too much of cabbage, garlic or onions. Smoking and alcoholic drinks are ill-advised during breastfeeding. If you are unwell and need to take medicines, you may need to discontinue breastfeeding for a few days unless your doctor can confirm that the medication is safe for nursing moms.
Advantages of bottle-feeding
Flexibility Bottle-feeding allows either parent to feed the baby, giving mom a break and helping dad to feel more included in the parenting and bonding process (point to note: this can also be achieved by pumping breast milk). Also, as some moms are shy to nurse in public, bottle-feeding provides a convenient solution when you’re out and about.
Time for you As formula digests more slowly than breast milk, baby may not need to be fed so frequently. This prevents a need to schedule your life around baby’s feeding routine.
Eat as you please Women who bottle-feed needn’t be over-cautious about what they eat or drink as their diet will not affect baby.
Challenges of bottle feeding
Preparation You will have to ensure that there is sufficient formula at hand at all times. You will also have to prepare sterile (boiled) water for milk preparation and keep all bottles and accessories sterilized at least until baby turns six months old (to be safe, some parents continue to sterilize bottles till baby is 18 months old). Going out with baby also means bringing enough supplies and bottles for each feed. Pre-mixed milk that is stored in the fridge needs to be warmed before baby is fed. Please note that milk that has been left out of the fridge for over an hour or milk that has been stored in the fridge for over 48 hours should be thrown out. Do check the label on the formula tin for details.
Nutrient content Most formula companies now pay close attention to what goes into their tins. However, no amount of attention can duplicate the exact quantity and quality of nutrients or mom’s precious antibodies in breast milk. Formula also needs to be checked carefully before purchase to determine expiry date and shelf life so that nutrient quality and baby’s health are not jeopardized. Cost: Formula is pricey with specialty formulas such as soy-based or balanced nutrition powders costing more than basic infant formula.
Dental problems Bottle-fed babies may develop a condition called “bottle mouth” where teeth begin to show signs of decay. It is important to start wiping baby’s gums, and later teeth, twice a day or if possible after every feed to avoid this. Some experts think that bottle-feeding may also affect the way baby’s jaw develops, requiring expensive orthodontic care.
Digestive problems Bottle-fed babies may have more gas and harder stools than breastfed babies. That said bottle-fed babies may also suffer from diarrhea if they cannot agree with rich or creamier versions of formula.
Breast and bottle?
Some parents find that they are able to introduce both breast milk and formula with great success. If you are a working mother who is unable to pump breast milk regularly, this may be an ideal solution for you.
However, there are two possible drawbacks—baby may develop suck confusion between breast and bottle (different tongue movements are required) and you may not be able to establish a proper milk supply if you are only on a night/ morning nursing schedule.
Obviously every baby (and mother) is different. Although breast milk is the best food for baby, it is important that you choose a feeding method you are comfortable with.
Do remember that it is always easier to start with breastfeeding before switching to bottle-feeding instead of the other way. If you are still confused, talk to your doctor or a lactation specialist.
Read the following on the internet. There are some points which I agreed on especially the last point. Of course, different people has difference experiences. For me, having a baby means entering into a new phase of life. I enjoy my new status right now, and I will raise him to the best of my ability. Most importantly, he must grow with SSA. With faith, no problems will be a hurdle to him.
Twenty things that change when you have a baby
What changes when you have a baby? A better question may be: What doesn't change? Read mom Rebecca Woolf's list of post-baby differences.
1. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself. 2. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
3. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. 4. You're less self-involved and more self-motivated.
5. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
6. You respect your body ... finally. (Hooray for baby-making!)
7. You have stronger opinions and are stronger willed.
8. You respect your parents and love them in a new way. (Hooray for grandparents!)
9. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
10. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child. (Hooray for the tooth fairy!)
11. You lose touch with the people in your life that you should have banished years ago.
12. Your heart breaks much more easily.
13. You think of your baby 234,836,178,976 times a day. In fact, you're so busy with this that you forget everything else.
14. Every day is a surprise.
15. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
16. You think before you speak.
17. You become a morning person. (Hooray for watching the sun rise!)
18. If you have a son, you no longer curse men. (Hooray for all men!)
19. If you have a daughter, you hope she won't endure your same heartaches.
20. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
